.... Children Old Family Recipe to Keep 'Em Off My Couch!  Reserve Your Table Now For a Year Full of Family Dinners by Dr. Charles Sophy Summertime is filled with family trips, picnics, poolside frolics and little league baseball. It's easier to keep tabs on everyone when families spend more time together. But now that school is here, how will you make sure your children get all the love and attention they need? The family dinner. Everyone wants to share an evening meal and discuss the day's events, but who's got the time? The truth is, this simple routine easily trumps most other obligations, yet too few of us commit to it.  That's puzzling because the benefits of a family dinner are high. As we'll see, a daily check-in with your family makes life much easier and more meaningful. And, really, if family schedules clash, make dinner the one time you do commit to being together. What's more, the beginning of the school year is a great time to kick off a routine. Let's meet Allen. Allen is a perceptive 9-year-old boy. Throughout the school year, his family has dinner together every night--and Mom and Dad always include Allen in the conversation. This summer, Allen's family spent lots of time with each other and even built a tree house together out back. Mom and Dad dropped the dinner routine because they could easily keep tabs on Allen's day. Now that school's starting up, however, Mom and Dad are going back to the dinnertime rule. And it's a good thing. After a couple weeks at school, Allen's dinner conversation collapses into mumbles and murmurs. Mom and Dad ask Allen what's up,and he digs deeper into the silence. "When you don't talk at dinner," Mom says, "it makes the rest of us feel left out. Why so quiet, Allen?" Allen knows dinnertime is family time and that means sharing--even when you don't feel like it. Still, he won't talk. Mom and Dad ask about different topics and watch for clues. When they ask about friends at school, Allen stabs a potato with his fork. That does it... Allen says his friend Rick is hanging out with the mean kids at school and Allen feels deserted. Allen doesn't get along with the mean kids and he doesn't want to. He just wants his friend back. Mom and Dad acknowledge Allen for his courage. It's hard when your friends change. They tell Allen they're proud of him for following his heart. Dad tells a story about an old high school friend who suddenly changed and how it made him sad. "But then," Dad says, "some friends hang on for ages." He assures Allen that new friends are right around the corner. Allen doubts it. He's angry with Rick, and everything seems hopeless. Mom says when one door closes another one opens. Maybe Allen can find friends by trying something new. Allen pokes at his potato and admits he's curious about karate, but Rick was never interested. Maybe he could try now. Mom and dad agree and after dinner to sign Allen up for a class. A new school year can bring loads of change--some good, some challenging.  Without a regular routine, Allen's family might have missed what Allen was going through. Family check-in time allowed them to stay close and help Allen move on. Your family can support each other throughout the school year by committing to a similar routine. When you do, you'll teach your child communication skills, coping methods and the importance of working together. These lessons boost self-confidence and can even teach parents a thing or two about family, work and other relationships. Awareness: Check in regularly with your child. Get to know their strengths and weaknesses, and get them to focus on their strengths. As you talk about how their day went, celebrate their shining moments and ask how they could use their strengths to face their challenges. Communication: Give the following communication skills a try during family check-in time: To spark up a quiet child, ask lots of questions or offer feedback on how your child's behavior makes you feel. When your child responds, look for visual signals that might say more than words. Take a real interest in your child's thoughts and feelings and acknowledge them for wins. Also, share your own challenges and present ideas on how you might meet them. Role Model: Everyone hits snags--even adults. Be open about your own challenges and show your child how you work them out. When everyone shares you create a safe place for your child to work out problems. You also build a vital foundation of trust that you'll both need as they grow older. Self-Confidence: With your guidance, a family dinner can be a structured environment where your child expresses difficult thoughts and feelings and works through challenges. These are skills your child will call on repeatedly throughout life. Using the skills you teach and model during your family routines, your child will learn to face anything. About the Author:  Dr. Charles Sophy currently serves as Medical Director for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services. He also has a private psychiatry practice in Beverly Hills, California. Dr. Charles Sophy, author of the "Keep 'Em Off My Couch" blog, provides real simple answers for solving life's biggest problems. To contact Dr. Sophy, visit his blog at http://drsophy.com Back to Contents

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